TNA iMPACT #261

by

mick-foley

By Dave Crumbley

The Main Event Mafia closes out the show and Samoa Joe has a Big Ass Knife…


TNA iMPACT! #261

Foley’s Last Stand

Mick Foley makes his way to ringside and declares that TNA can’t have two deciders. Jeff Jarrett quickly cuts him off. Says that he doesn’t blame Foley for his actions over the past few months. When you put someone back in the fray after taking a leave, they react in different ways. Foley attacked Jarrett in the Asylum, Jarrett nailed him with a guitar. It’s all water under the bridge and the two agree to work together to bring TNA to heights that no one could have even dreamed of. After a few tweaks, a main event is agreed upon: Jeff Jarrett vs Mick Foley vs Kurt Angle with Angle having the ability to appoint anyone as special guest referee with the exception of Matt Morgan or any members of the Main Event Mafia.

Lauren talks with The British Invasion. The Invasion make their mission statement clear: they’re here for the money and to take over the tag team division. Doug Williams issues an open challenge for his (stolen) X Division Feast or Fired briefcase. Brutus Magnus has always impressed me with his presence on promos. A Dixie Carter project, Magnus has proven himself to be a diamond in the rough and will be a money player for TNA for years to come. At the age of 22 he will only get better. Maybe Dixie isn’t so clueless after all?

Homicide answers the call and attempts to retrieve his briefcase. Homicide climbs early with Williams spearing him off the ladder. He quickly recovers and they go into a double climb towards the case. Williams gets knocked over the top rope, wiping out the Invasion. Homicide reaches the top of ladder while Brother Ray prevents interference. The case was pulled down and Homicide regains possession of his briefcase. The British Invasion are then joined by Kyoshi and Abdul Bashir to administer a beat down of Team 3D. What was there was not bad but certainly was the shortest ladder match in the history of wrestling, if it went more than three minutes, I’m watching a show with a seven sided ring.

Mike Tenay conducts a sit down interview with Suicide. Tenay states that all that can be gleaned about Suicide’s background comes from the lyrics to his theme song which were written by himself. Tenay reads a few lines. “Your pain won’t just go away, screaming voices driving you insane. Your body fights but it cannot – it’s paralyzed. Black inside, hollow eyed. Suicide comes alive to take the pain from all who can’t see the light. The dark savior, he will save you. He’ll take the nail and be the one to crucify you – Suicide comes alive.” Suicide says that he was in the darkness and felt the pain but he was not the only one. His pain is shared. He was presented two options: life or death. Suicide sees the light and chooses to come alive. He does not represent the end, he represents the beginning.

A video package airs on Sting’s history with the Mafia. Sting enters the ring and calls out Samoa Joe. “You are every reason why wrestling is as bad as it is right now, why this company is as bad as it is right now.” Joe is being advised to keep his temper for now but Sting’s time will come. Sting wants to know who Joe’s advisor is but he’s keeping it under wraps. We will find out at Victory Road.

Lauren speaks with Jenna. She invested her Survivor winnings and made millions of dollars. She’s using her vast fortune to pay for the best training that money can buy. Awesome Kong will be getting her ready for her match with Sharmell at Victory Road.

Steiner and Booker join the announce team for Beer Money, Inc vs Motor City Machine Guns. The audio mixing is terrible, cannot hear a god damned word either are saying. A high pitched static vaguely resembling Booker T plays nonstop over the match. Beer Money, Inc wins a solid match when James Storm hits a back cracker on Alex Shelley who is then pulled over for Driving while Investing.

Velvet Skye stands up to Angelina Love backstage. If she doesn’t have her back tonight for her match against Tara, they are through.

A short video package is aired on Sarita, she debuts next week. Angelina Love now has seemingly random colored swirls on both of her arms. A camera man reaches his hand towards velvet skye’s ass during her ring intro. Do you blame a tree for having leaves or morning dew for covering your lawn? Tara comes out with a tarantula in clear box. After a few minutes of action, Tara defeats Skye clean with the Widow’s Peak. After the match, Tara retrieves her spider and threatens to place it on her. Love agrees to give her an immediate title shot to prevent this from happening and losing her friend in the process.

Madison Rayne is quickly bounced from ringside by referee Rudy Charles after pulling Tara to the floor. The best Knockouts match in ages comes to a close as Tara hits the Widow’s Peak and scores the victory. She tears up in the ring after being presented the title.

Lauren speaks with Tara backstage after the commercial. There was a time in her career when she thought she’d never enjoy wrestling again but she is happy in TNA. The title change was presented as a big time event with numerous replays and announcer reactions.

Abyss meets with Dr Stevie but runs into the issue of water laced with neural toxins. He is rendered paralyzed by the drugs and gets slapped around. Stevie, the good host that he is, offers Abyss another glass of water which he then smashes over his head.

Nash and Matt Morgan team up to take on the team of AJ Styles and Daniels. A fine TV tag match considering the one half of the participants. Regardless of how often it’s said, it’s really never enough: AJ Styles is awesome. Matt Morgan has never looked better than he did during his time working with Styles. Nash is knocked outside while Morgan is isolated. The Best Moonsault Ever followed by a frog splash is enough to slay the only man in TNA with space DNA. After the match, Nash and Morgan lay them out.

Sting jumps the Nation of Violence limo, Joe attacks him from behind choking him out with his big ass knife.

Eric Young is announced as the special guest referee for the main event three way. Young is an impartial referee until refusing to count when Jarrett hits Angle with the Stroke. Jarrett brings his guitar into the ring which leads to everyone doing their finishers. Angle applies the Ankle Lock and Young immediately calls for the bell. Orlando Screwjob II, someone alert Wikipedia. Jarrett wears Young out and chases him to the back. The Mafia run in with weapons and take it to Foley. Foley lay bleeding wrapped in barbed wire as Don West declares that, “The dynasty of the Main Event Mafia continues.”

Underline:

In ring promo with Jeff Jarrett and Mick Foley – Agree to work together for the good of TNA

Lauren talks to the British Invasion – They make their mission statement clear – they’re here for money and to take over the tag team division

Homicide defeated Doug Williams in a ladder match for possession of the X Division briefcase after Team 3D prevented interference – they are then attacked by the British Invasion, Abdul Bashir and Kyoshi

Mike Tenay talks to Suicide – he is not the end – he is the beginning

In ring promo with Sting and Samoa Joe – Joe’s insructor will be revealed at Victory Road

Lauren talks to Jenna Morasca – Awesome Kong is training her for her match with Sharmell at Victory Road

Beer Money, Inc. defeated The Motor City Machine Guns when Roode pinned Shelley

Velvet Skye threatens to leave the Beautiful People if Angelina Love abandons her again

Tara defeated Velvet Skye – Angelina Love agrees to defend TNA Knockouts’ Championship to prevent
Tara from putting her Tarantula on Velvet

Tara defeated Angelina Love to win the TNA Knockouts’ Championship

Lauren talks to Tara – she thought she’d never enjoy wrestling again but being in TNA she can have happiness again

AJ Styles and Daniels defeated Kevin Nash and Matt Morgan – Styles and Daniels are jumped afterwards

Sting is choked out from behind with a big ass knife for daring to intrude on Nation of Violence business

Kurt Angle defeated Jeff Jarrett and Mick Foley when special guest referee Eric Young claimed that Foley submitted – Foley was then the victim of a gangland hit

TNA Victory Road:

Jenna Morasca vs Sharmell
Matt Morgan vs Daniels
TNA World Tag Team Championship: © Beer Money, Inc. vs Booker T and Scott Steiner
TNA Legends’ Championship: © AJ Styles vs Kevin Nash
Samoa Joe vs Sting
TNA World Heavyweight Championship: © Kurt Angle vs Mick Foley

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2 Responses to “TNA iMPACT #261”

  1. Dave Crumbley Says:

    GREAT REVIEW, DUDE

  2. eric864 Says:

    I also agree with Crumbley’s review of Crumbley’s review of Impact.

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