Friday Night Smackdown! 7/17

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Jeff Hardy starts the show. You see, he’s a recovering drug addict, but he’s a real good dude so just get off his back man. CM Punk comes out and tells Hardy he’s a piece of shit for doing drugs but Punk’s the bad guy somehow. It must kill such a straight laced guy like Jim Ross to be on hippie Jeff Hardy’s side in this feud. Hardy tries to beat up Punk, but Punk leaves the ring as he has a match NEXT!

CM Punk (c) vs. John Morrison (non-title): Punk and Morrison have a nice little WWE approved indie wrestling match. Morrison wins clean for the second week in a row, thus cementing CM Punk’s spot as the wackest world champion ever.

Layla comes out to dance for the audience because she used to be a Miami Heat dancer and they’re in Miami. She also displays her horrendous talking skills. Ricky Ortiz (Who??) interrupts, I guess to trigger the much anticipated Ricky Ortiz/Layla feud. This was some serious Bush League shit.

Oh, A Cryme Tyme Segment with some guy from the Arizona Cardinals. Jesse (I guess that’s his full wrestling name) does his wigger bit again. It was funny the first time I saw it, but I’m over it now. Do any of these people ever even wrestle?

R-Truth vs. Kane: This is the first time I’ve seen R-Truth wrestle on Smackdown. I did manage to catch his shucking and jiving ode to Martin Lawrence last week and I’m guessing WWE now realizes that was a bad idea. R-Truth comes to the ring rapping and dancing, and the crowd seems to be into it. Good for him! I imagined that guy would be a low level jobber his whole life. I like how the commentators pretend R-Truth wasn’t in the WWE 10 years ago. Kane beats R-Truth with a kick to the face in a whatever match. The Great Khali comes out afterward because him and Kane are beefing. Oh boy.

FUCK! I was wrong. R-Truth Pretty Ricky Vignette after the match. As dumb as this is, I really do hope WWE continues the trend of giving struggling wrestlers gimmicks from mildly popular ten year old movies.

The Hart Dynasty vs. Cryme Tyme & Eve Torres: Natty Neidhart doesn’t look as surly as she did in ECW. The crowd doesn’t give a shit one way or another about this match. The Hart Dynasty win. I think this Hart Dynasty gimmick would be huge if there were more than 2 tag teams in WWE. You can only beat Cryme Tyme four or five hundred times before it gets old.

Edge is here via Satellite to give a heartfelt interview about his possible career ending Achilles injury but Jericho interrupts and calls Edge a baby. I don’t really know if it’s possible to keep a feud going for 6-10 months when one of the guys involved can’t even walk, but we’ll see.

Chris Jericho & Dolph Ziggler vs. Jeff Hardy & Rey Mysterio: CM Punk shows up to do guest commentary. This was yet another great Smackdown Main Event match. CM Punk draws a DQ by throwing Jericho into Hardy (They never said who the DQ was for though, but who gives a shit about official results anyway). Jericho wrecks Hardy’s shit after the match as Punk looks on. Ziggler showed he could hang with the big boys and seems to already be a better main event guy than Morrison is.

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