TNA iMPACT!

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TNA iMPACT!

THE FAMILY REIGNS SUPREME”

TNACrumbley@gmail.com

http://twitter.com/crumbley

Segment One

Why did Taz cross the line? He had to retire early due to injuries. He saw Joe on TNA and thought he saw much of himself in the young man. The only problem? Joe cared about what THE BOYZ IN THE BACK thought of him. He needed to be ruthless, he needed to be without remorse. That’s how you win titles and make money.


Homicide defeated Samoa Joe by disqualification

After four minutes (a TNA marathon), Joe randomly shoved the referee down and reversed a Gringo Cutter into the choke.  The referee awoke and instead of acknowledging the choke and stopping the match, awarding Joe the X Division Championship, he DQ’d Joe for striking him.  Joe losing his cool and losing matches?  Where did we see that one before?  Oh yeah, one year ago with Joe and Nash.   Joe beats on Homicide until a returning Hernandez runs down to run him off.

Segment Two

Main Event Mafia interview time.  Wasn’t Sharmell vs Jenna supposed to decide who got to stay in the Mafia?  Despite the Mafia’s sweep, no one should be afraid for their jobs, all he cares about is putting on the best show possible.  In the spirit of entertaining TNA’s fans, the Legend’s and Tag Team Championships will be defended against opponents of the Mafia’s choosing.  If MEM left, all TNA would be left with is a bunch of losers.  He books a TNA Knockouts battle royal with the winner joining MEM and a $50,000 prize.  Jeff Jarrett is at home and Sting is licking his wounds, the only one left to deal with is Executive Shareholder, Mick Foley.  The front office buried Foley to him, what exactly is it he does? Mick says Kurt has gone TOO FAR, interfering with front office operations, trying to con them into believing that MEM are indispensable.  Lots of SH00T C0MM3NTZ, about working. Angle proposes an Office Key on a Pole Match. All Mick has to do to win back his office is by “climbing his sprained ankle ass” up a pole.   The keys are attached to a block of wood with TNA in giant block letters.   I’m calling bullshit, do sweatpants even have pockets?  Angle took the keys and Foley still had access to his office all night.

Segment Three

British Invasion have stuck a deal with MEM. Next week The Invasion get another show at Team 3D’s IWGP Tag Team Championships in a table’s match. Tonight, they put a bullet in the TNA originals once and for all. Assuming they kill themselves after wards. This went ten seconds and was heavily edited.

Mike and Don run down tonight’s matches, Kurt Angle booked all the matches. POWER. RESPECT. ANGLE.

Kevin Nash defeated Amazing Red

Red opened with a flurry in the corner before being quickly cut off. Nash pins him in two minutes after a powerbomb. The first step in rebuilding the TNA Originals, well done.

The face of TNA has changed since Hernandez has been in the Impact Zone. He gives gratitude for Jeff Jarrett giving him a chance when no one else would. His long time tag partner, Homicide, enters the scene and starts yelling at him for saving him from Joe’s attack.

Segment Four

Mick Foley tapped out at Victory Road because of a moderately sprained ankle. Kurt Angle can take his office, he can take his office, but he’ll never take his Tweak ‘N Tweet Connection caricature. He proceeds to mock the idea of a pole match. Rocco and Sally Boy offer their assistance to Mick. Steiner and Booker are shown watching their monitor, they’ve found their opponents for tonight.

Segment Five

The returning Traci Brooks talks with Lauren. She’s been in Hollywood, has a huge project coming up. She will be resuming her role as Knockout Law for the Knockout’s battle royal in case MEM have anything up their sleeves. When it comes to serving TNA, you can always count on her.

Booker T & Scott Steiner defeated Big Rocco & Sally Boy

Don West is hilarious, he’s been doing some math. Rocco and Sally Boy have a four to five hundred pound weight advantage, what was Kurt thinking? After three minutes of bad wrestling, Big Rocco gets the hot tag, a veritable HOUSE OF FIRE, knocking Booker off the apron, hitting Steiner with a big slam and coming off the top rope with a huge splash. I never want to hear another word about how TNA needs to get out of Orlando, the Impact Zone was unglued for this, as loud as I’ve heard them in months. Of course, the wind is taken out of their sails about three seconds later as Sharmell pulls the ref out of the ring. Booker sneaks back in with an axe kick and it’s over.

Eric Young wants to atone for his sins. He’s a TNA original, he’d be nothing without the company. Foley adds him to the main event tag match.

Segment Six

Tara is in the Knockouts battle royal to win the 50,000. Not for herself, for charity. She stumbles over her lines but they didn’t bother to do a re-take. Guess Jarrett took the blank tapes home.

Traci Brooks won a battle royal also involving (in order of elimination) Daffney, Madison Rayne, Sojo Bolt, Velvet Sky, ODB, Sarita, Awesome Kong & Tara

Segment Seven

Nash joins Mike and Don on commentary. $50,00 is a day of his pay. He doesn’t know if Steiner would be able to handle Kong. As Kong and Tara were battling near the ropes, referee Traci Brooks came from behind and pushed both over the ropes. Tara and Kong did battle on the outside as Traci jumped into the arms of Big Sexy. You know what the Mafia was missing? A third woman. Afterwards, Traci kicked Slick Johnson in the junk.

Segment Eight

The Beautiful People should be the ones servicing MEM, there’s clearly a conspiracy against them. That trailer trash ODB got in their way. Deaner enters the scene, defending the honor of his woman. TBP, butter him up, making him think they wanted a piece of the Deaner. Velvet has him come closer and she knees him in the balls, Deaner is beat down until ODB makes the saves. She hates those whores.

The main event of Hard Justice will be a three way including Sting and Kurt Angle. The final spot being filled by the winner of Matt Morgan vs AJ Styles next week.

AJ has been fighting for TNA for seven years. The Originals have had their problems but tonight they take TNA back once and for all.

Brutus Magnus, Doug Williams, Rob Terry, Sheik Bashir & Kiyoshi defeated AJ Styles, James Storm, Robert Roode, Christopher Daniels & Eric Young

Eric Young turns his back on the Aboriginals, giving AJ Styles a DDT. Tenay is outraged, the BOYZ IN THE BACK have an unwritten law about using the pile driver. Flaming/glass tables are fine though.

Segment Nine

The evil foreigners celebrate in the back, they are to be known as the World Elite. Foley enters the scene and brawls with them.

Kurt Angle No Contest Mick Foley in an Office Keys on a Pole Match

Five minutes of bad wrestling.

Segment Ten

Three minutes of bad wrestling. Foley shoves the sock down Angle’s throat, choking him out. He goes to climb the pole but MEM run in. They beat down Foley until Bobby Lashley comes down. He hugs Angle, teases hitting Foley until swerving TNAtion and fighting off MEM. He takes his shirt off and mugs for the camera as the screen fades to black.

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