TNA iMPACT!

by

Dave Crumbley

TNACrumbley@gmail.com

http://twitter.com/crumbley

The MEM expressed their displeasure at Bobby Lashley for swerving them last week and siding with Foley. Angle demands his presence or they are coming back to get him. Lashley comes out to the most generic music and video in history. He wanted to join the Mafia until he saw them for what they really are. They aren’t hungry anymore, they just want to politic. Angle calls him young and stupid, says that the Mafia don’t make up 75% of the TNA payroll because they’re great wrestlers, it’s because they’re smarter. Angle is shaking and slurring his words, this is uncomfortable to watch. Foley enters the scene, rambling about ratings. Angle worked the BOYZ in the front office, but Foley has a plan. Tonight’s main event will be Angle and Nash vs Foley and Lashley. Whoever gets pinned loses their belt. Tenay explained that Angle agreed to the match due to fear that they wouldn’t be able to deliver TNA management high enough ratings without doing so.

Hernandez pinned Samoa Joe CLEAN in a fun six minute match. Good big man match, finished up with a big splash from Hernandez. With his new music and ring outfit, Hernandez comes across as a star.

After the break, Taz is shown berating Joe backstage.

Matt Morgan is a PPV main event waiting to happen. He is going to win the best of three series with AJ Styles and take his rightful place in the three way at Hard Justice.’

AJ Styles pinned Matt Morgan CLEAN in another fun six minute match. By far the best I’ve seen Morgan look. Styles avoided a sidewalk slam, hit the pele, and landed a big 450 splash for the pin.

The other Knockouts are in HD while Traci is brought to us in H(.)(.)

Tara had a wonderful conversation with Don West. She had fun in WWE but it was time to move on. She saw Awesome Kong and knew she had to cross the line. Don West quickly changed the subject to the Beautiful People. Tara mentioned the incident of Madison sleeping with Slick Johnson but West cut her off, there are children watching.

Tara, ODB, & Awesome Kong defeated The Beautiful People when ODB cradled Angelina Love. After

a stiff tag, Kong and Tara brawled to the back. ODB fought AGAINST ALL ODDS to win the match. In bigger news, the Motor City Machine Guns were shown in the crowd with signs letting TNA management know that they still work there. I’d rather see the wrestlers in the ring and the fans in the crowd but after Victory Road, the paradigm has clearly shifted. I’m behind the times.

Eric Young cut a big promo. He’s the leader of the WORLD ELITE along with Brutus Magnus, Doug Williams, Rob Terry, Kiyoshi, and Abdul Bashir. He moved to America to chase his dream but he was mocked and treated with contempt. He’s tired of Americans and tired of being their comedy relief. He was going to be who he wanted to be from now on. He attempted to shave his own head but the electric razor he was using didn’t work. Team 3D interrupted the preceedings telling the Elite that they can LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT. Take THAT, MLK.

The British Invasion defeated Team 3D in a tables match to win the IWGP Tag Team Championships. Devon powerbombed Magnus through a table but Hebner was bumped. Eric Young clocked Devon with a belt, rolled Magnus out the ring and Devon onto the rubble. When Earl Hebner woke up, he saw Devon amongst the debris and assumed he had been tabled. Did New Japan really approve this?

They showed some highlights from Comicon. The Motor City Machine Guns, Suicide, Christy Hemme, Traci, Kurt Angle, and Freddy Krueger were in attendance.

Dr. Stevie put a bounty on Abyss’ head.

Scott Steiner and Booker broke into Foley’s office but were restrained by the insane old security dude. Kurt Angle busted through the gang to clock Lashley over the head with a pipe. This was so low rent, the camera barely caught the weapon shot.

After the break, Beer Money were shown brawling with Booker & Steiner.

Mick Foley & Bobby Lashley defeated Kevin Nash and Kurt Angle when Foley pinned Nash to win the TNA Legends Championship. The Mafia had the two on one advantage until the lights went out revealing Sting in the crowd pointing his bat. The lights went out again and Lashley appeared with his head taped. He speared Nash allowing Foley to get the pin.

A fine show, a massive improvement from last week.

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