Rating the Wrestlers: Raw’s Chris Masters

by

lay back and think of england

Recently returned from steroids-related firing a bit of a hiatus, “The Masterpiece” Chris Masters is back and hungry for the spotlight.  He’s not as cut or as rock-hard as he once was, but he’s still quite the specimen.  This glistening granite god made his return last week on Raw and if my household is any indication, he “popped a huge quarter hour”.

Pros: He’s clearly cycling down, so you can now enjoy his ample bounty without fearing you may be thrown into the wall if you spill chardonnay on his favorite pink Izod polo.  The advanced gyno that he’s displaying shows that he’s in touch with his feminine side as well, and who doesn’t want a hulking behemoth who’s not afraid to cry on your shoulder?

Cons: If his year off of the juice is any indication, he won’t be aging as gracefully as some other roid queens.  In five years, do you want to be getting out of bed in the morning, looking pitifully down on your once-proud he-man who’s now a snoring mound of balding flab?  Cut your losses now and bag a hairless sprinter.

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