TNA iMPACT!

by

Dave Crumbley

TNACrumbley@gmail.com

http://www.twitter.com/crumbley

“The Future is Now”

Segment One

Christy Hemme pinned Sojo Bolt

The returning Christy Hemme looks great, a rowwrrrrrrr and a half. Her fake fighting, however, left much to be desired. Both points for Sojo as well. After wearing her down with her breasts, Christy got the pin after hitting the Flying Fire Crotch Guillotine.

Segment Two

Taz is going to turn Joe’s loss to Hernandez into a positive. At Hard Justice, Joe will be taking all of his anger out on Homicide.

Hernandez pinned Doug Williams

Hernandez is over, getting large MEX-I-CO and SU-PER-MEX chants during the match. Tenay informed us that Hernandez will be taking on BIG ROB at the PPV for possession of the World Title Feast or Fired Briefcase. Good Grief. A quality fake fight ensued, with them working well together. Despite the ringside distractions of the British Invasion, Hernandez was able to finish off Williams with a big powerbomb. Post match, Hernandez sent Brutus Magnus packing but was laid out with a briefcase shot by Big Rob. He quickly recovered and chased the Invasion up the ramp to close out the segment.

Segment Three

Supermex jacks the mic from Lauren and yells in Spanish. Assuming he said something awesome.

Mike Tenay sits down with Lashley. They have the usual bizarre mood music playing. Is it possible to be a success at MMA and pro wrestling at the same time? Lashley thinks so, he’s getting better and better at both. Who wins in the battle of greatest pro wrestler vs greatest MMA fighter? The fans. What a pussy answer.

What does a revolution look like? Why can they see it and you can’t? Why can they recognize that the old ways aren’t enough? We realize that we are not doing enough. TNA has sounded the call and the fans are answering. Together, we are creating a new kind of wrestling. This is the revolution. Are you ready?

Thousands of people have responded to the bounty on Abyss’ head. It’s not about pinning him, it’s about ending him. Abyss enters the scene and chokes him out until JETHRO HOLLIDAY waffles him with repeated chair shots.

Segment Four

Tara came to TNA to face the best. Awesome Kong could very well be the greatest wrestler in history. Tonight, she’s in a big four way match and that’s exactly where she wants to be. With her tarantula, Poison, by her side, she will spin to the top of the Knockouts division.

Eric Young & Sheik Abdul Bashir defeated Rhino & Jesse Neal when Young pinned Neal

There is not a man this side of Kane who fills me with such hot and tawdry FF>> desires as Rhino. That button is as appealing as a Baconator fresh from the wrapper. Jesse Neal is technically sound but there’s nothing about him that stands out to me. Young really looks like a player now, tremendous make over. Neal was isolated all match. When he finally had a opportunity to tag in Rhino, he instead opted to knock Bashir off the apron and rolled up from behind for the loss. Rhino is pissed post match, slaps him and hits a big gore.

Segment Five

Rhino saw a soldier, a man who wouldn’t give up but something has clearly changed. Neal has made mistake after mistake. Rhino respects what he’s done in the Navy but questions his desires to succeed inside the six sided ring.

Tara defeated Awesome Kong, Angelina Love & Velvet Sky when Tara pinned Awesome Kong

As Don West was cooking breakfast for Velvet Sky this morning, she mentioned that Angelina actually had to have Cody Deaner’s saliva surgically removed from his mouth. Tara went for a big dive on the Beautiful People but had a sick landing on the floor, looks like Velvet missed her on the catch by quite a bit. Finish came when Deaner jumped on the apron and planted a big ol’ kiss on Kong. Kong rips him in over the top rope and Tara rolls her up for the pin fall.

Sting tells AJ that he’s in the pressure cooker. This is what separates mid-carders from main eventers. There’s two things that could happen tonight: AJ will be a winner, or he’ll be a loser

Segment Six

The Steiner Brothers and Harlem Heat were two of the greatest tag teams of all time, they paved the way. But Team 3D are the greatest of all time. They’ve run their mouths everywhere they’ve been but they’ve always been able to back it up. At Hard Justice, they’re coming home with the gold.

Scott Steiner pinned Brother Ray in a No DQ Match

Better than you’d expect, Steiner is immobile but always works his ass off. Tenay called out Sharmell for trying to distract the ref in a No DQ match. Obviously, you try to limit how often gaffes like that happen but it helps announcer credibility to call it when it does. Ray puts on Steiner’s chain mail and hit some poses. They set up a table and the World Elite run down, putting Bubba through a table with Steiner covering for the easy pin.

Segment Seven

Nash and Foley contract signing. Foley immediately signs while Nash closely examines his copy before putting pen to paper. Kevin Nash is all about the money, Foley has never had a conversation with him that didn’t revolve around the subject. Do championships and personal accomplishments really mean nothing to Nash? Nash says he could have easily made an extra twenty grand at his last autograph signing had he been the Legends Champion at the time. Nash doesn’t get Foley. He’s a smart guy, he’s a best selling author, he has a beautiful wife. Why does he insist on wrapping himself in barbed wire and jumping from high places. Why doesn’t he write more books, why not take the easy way out? Foley calls Nash out for being more concerned with his payoff at the Wizard World convention than winning matches. He loves performing in the Impact Zone, he’d do this for free. Nash says that he’s an athlete, he’s a businessman and Foley is just a dumb wrestler. Nash tries to leave and Foley stops him. There’s a table at a contract signing, doesn’t someone have to go through it? Nash doesn’t get paid anything extra for it, he doesn’t give a damn. Foley then proceeds to do it for free, breaking the table with a big splash. He’s then shown laughing. You know, because it’s fake, doesn’t really hurt.

Segment Eight

It towers thirty feet above the arena floor. It looks like something out of a post apocalyptic dream, shaped like a mushroom cloud from an atomic bomb. As red as a fresh kill. It is the structure known as the TERRORDOME. Combining the imprisonment of the cage with the no limits of the Ultimate X. An edifice for the sole confinement. Intimidating, there’s only one way out. Once inside, all of the rules of the outside world are thrown away. It is truly the survival of the fittest. The winner must climb thirty feet above the ground and escape from the tiny hole above. It is the true test of guts for glory in TNA.

This is the most important match of Matt Morgan’s career, one win away from his first main event. He feels no pressure, AJ has had his time, it’s time to go to the back of the line. Morgan is guaranteeing victory.

Segment Nine

Matt Morgan pinned AJ Styles

AJ is accompanied by Sting, Kurt Angle is seconding Morgan. For the third straight week, Matt Morgan had the best match of his career. He still looks a little clumsy but any awkwardness is made up for the GREAT chemistry he has with Styles. A fantastic ten minute battle. Morgan went up top but AJ crotched him on the ropes and snapped off a Pele for a near fall. AJ goes for his springboard forearm but Morgan is able to avoid. Morgan seizes him up as AJ struggles back to his feet, hits the Carbon Footprint for the victory. The entire Mafia come to the ring to congratulate Morgan on his big win.

Segment Ten

Angle butters him up, he claims that from the second he saw Morgan, he knew he had to recruit him for the Mafia. Morgan retorts, he was the one who was chasing Angle trying to get the time of day. Angle asks for one favor and Morgan is in the Mafia. He demands that he takes a dive at Hard Justice, allowing Angle to retain his championship. Morgan says that no one demands anything from Matt Morgan, he’s not passing up his first opportunity to be a World Heavyweight Champion. The Blueprint is going to make the most of his first ever main event. Morgan still talks really fast, always seems like he’s nervous. Kevin Nash recently said in an interview that he’s taken Morgan under his wing. A Frankenstein creation combining Nash’ cool demeanor and Morgan’s raw athletic gifts could be a pretty damn great wrestler.

Another fun show.  Quality wrestling and plenty of storyline progression.  Hard Justice doesn’t look like a great show but at the very least will be a quantum leap over Victory Road. Both Homicide vs Joe and the Steel Asylum could be great.  British Invasion vs Beer Money will be good.  I’m interested in seeing how deep they go into the bag of tricks during Nash vs Foley.

THE COMPLETE LINEUP FOR THIS SUNDAY’S “HARD JUSTICE” PAY-PER-VIEW SPECTACULAR

This Sunday, August 16, Total Nonstop Action Wrestling presents “Hard Justice” live and exclusively on Pay-Per-View from Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida! The epic event will be available on InDemand, DirecTV, Dish Network ,TVN, Viewer’s Choice and more. Check your programming guide for availability. The complete lineup for the three-hour event is as follows: (card subject to change)

TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Champion Kurt Angle vs. Sting vs. Matt Morgan

TNA LEGENDS CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Champion Mick Foley vs. Kevin Nash

TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Champions Booker T & Scott Steiner vs. Team 3D

TNA X DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Champion Homicide vs. Samoa Joe w/ Taz

TNA KNOCKOUT WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Champion Angelina Love vs. ODB w/ Cody Deaner

THE RETURN OF THE STEEL ASYLUM MATCH
Suicide vs. Chris Sabin vs. Amazing Red vs. Alex Shelley vs. Black Machismo vs. Daniels vs. Consequences Creed

NEW JAPAN IWGP CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Champions The British Invasion vs. Beer Money, Inc

MATCH FOR THE WORLD TITLE SHOT BRIEFCASE
Hernandez vs. Big Rob of The British Invasion

BOUNTY MATCH
Abyss vs. Jethro Holiday

Plus, the TNA Wrestling debut of “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero and much more

2 Responses to “TNA iMPACT!”

  1. eric864 Says:

    I love that we have a wrestling storyline based on Wizard World.

  2. Tarmus Says:

    Was Nash booked at Wizard World as ‘Kevin Nash’, or as ‘The Great and Mighty Oz’?

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